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The Types of People You'll Meet at a Cigar Herf

Shane K. K's picture

Shane K.

A cigar herf can be a hell of a good time. In case you need a refresher, we’ve given an overview on what it takes to make a herf perfect. Beyond cigars, you’ll probably find cold beer, maybe barbecue or a big spread of munchies, and a handful of pals you know pretty well. Could be, you’ll meet some complete strangers, too. In any event, a herf is a gathering of like-minded cigar lovers. Just like the lounge in your local smokeshop, you’re bound to encounter a few different specimens of cigar smokers. If this is your first herf, here’s what you can expect.  

Mooch-O Libre

We’re going to get this guy out of the way right up front. You might only have a single stick or two on you and Mooch-O Libre can clean you out before you’ve stepped in the door and fired up. For the most part, a moocher is easy to recognize. If you notice any partygoers looking up at the lit end of your cigar like a lost puppy dog who hasn’t eaten in days, it’s best to stuff some chips in your mouth or pretend you don’t speak English.

Be warned, Mooch-O Libre can be both pushy and passionate. Like a car salesman, his goal is to get you to sign away all your stogies on the spot. The good news is, there are plenty of other targets at a herf. And there’s bound to be one or two guys with an entire coolerdor in tow. Mooch-O Libre can’t resist the sight of coolerdor. Lay low until he zeros in on some bigger game.

Mr. Cuban-Smoobin’

The best part about meeting Mr. Cuban-Smoobin’ is when he lets you in on a little secret – he gets legitimate Cubans from a guy on the beach where he vacations. They’re only $50 a bundle and nothing compares to them.

Ahhh. The Cuban-smoking “aristocrat.” Stop yourself from appearing too interested. This guy’s ego needs your attention, and he could talk to you about Cubans for eons. Offer a polite nod and move on.

Hell-Bent on Boutiques

This guy’s pockets are full of cigars named after all the apostles, plus every element on the Periodic table. He’s got small-batch smokes mastered and he wants you to know no one else has heard of a single brand in his entire collection. He procures his smokes from a secret online forum of cigar factory insiders. If he offers you a cigar, try not to scoff if the band is made of masking tape – it’s just an unreleased sample. He’ll also tell you it’s okay if you taste some adhesive on the cold draw.

The Puffing Professor

The Puffing Professor talks like a walking textbook for a horticulture class – he’s got the brand names, sizes, and seed and wrapper varietals down by heart. Let’s be honest, it’s impressive. Anyone who knows what the pH of the soil was in the Dominican Republic in 1985 is probably pretty intelligent. It’s entirely your call. Hang around and learn something you’ll probably forget about on the drive home or get back into a conversation about baseball with your other buddies.

The Newbie-Novice Who’s Never Had a Cigar Before

The Newbie-Novice is pretty safe to hang with. As long as you know that you have to cut your cigar before you light up, you can easily take this guy under your wing. Show him the ropes. Don’t let him inhale or drop his ash on the floor. Even if you’ve only had one other cigar in your entire life, you’ll smoke like a pro standing next to a novice. Smoking with a newbie is a great way to build your cigar-smoking confidence. Just remember to take the band off your own cigar before it starts burning.

The Lounge Lizard

The Lounge Lizard is a herf-goer who easily looks like he could be the host. Why? His comfort level is off the charts with his ankles anchored up on the coffee table and an overflowing ashtray in his lap. He is indeed not the homeowner. This guy migrates with a handful of other lizards on the herf circuit. He’s affable and easy to talk to. Almost any subject will do from sports to cars to the weather. Probably not girls, though. The typical lounge lizard hasn’t been on a date in a decade or so, but he’s got plenty of redemptive qualities. A lounge lizard can easily make you feel welcome in under thirty seconds. Plus, he can guide you directly to free pizza and beer.  

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